A very, very personal one for today.
Today, my Dedicatee is NANA. Now I didn't think it was right to put a picture of her on here, so instead she gets a big smile. We've talked about her a lot today, and I really miss her. I don't really do a lot of talking about her, so hopefully this will serve as something to look back on.
Jacqueline Cummings was born on the 29th of May, 1939. She met Grandad in her early 20's, and they finished twice because of an Austrian ski instructor called Rudi. Now Rudi wasn't liked by Nana's parents, but Grandad was, and the rest, they say, is history.
Nana and Grandad got married on the 24th of October, 1959, and Grandad still loves to talk about their wedding day. Mum came along on 12th September 1962, Uncle Tim was brought a long a couple of years after, and Uncle Jay was born in October 1968. Over the next 20 years, Nana would work her backside off to make sure the 3 kids could have what they wanted, especially with Grandad being away a lot.
After Mum met Dad, and they moved down to Hitchin in 1988, and then Uncle Tim moved away shortly after, Uncle Jay was left. Then Katie and I arrived in April 1993, and Nana and Grandad were down every weekend. Literally, every weekend. 200 miles, 3 hours in the car, and they still managed it. So for the next few years, both Nana and Grandad worked 9-5 every weekday, then got up at 6am on the Saturday to come down to see us, then go Sunday morning. Not much of a break!
Nana retired in 1998, and from then on in, she spent her time (and her pension) with us. Same as Grandad. Both were always around somewhere, Nana ringing every day became a tradition. I remember one New Year's Revolution, I decided to speak to Nana every day. I'm so upset I never stuck to it.
Then Uncle Jay had William in 2004, so we saw Nana and Grandad less. It meant we had to go up to them, rather than them coming to us.
My last conversation with Nana was on Thursday 26th June 2008, a couple of days before. I cannot believe what was said. 'Hello'; 'Hello love, how are you?'; 'I'm good thankyou, you?'; 'Good thanks, is your mum in?'; 'Yeah just get her, hang on' - that was it. The last time I would ever speak to Nana.
She fell, hit her head and had a massive brain aneurysm on the Saturday. I was going on the Biology field trip on Sunday morning. I had a choice. Nana would want me to go, so I did. Bit of a shock to find that kind of voicemail after a cricket game though.
Sunday morning, I went. Quite tearful, I sat next to George and explained. Kept in touch with Dad, and on the Wednesday morning, I got the call to ring him, and he told me they'd turned off her life support that morning. I tried so so hard not to cry, I bottled up my emotion. George that day was an absolute star, he got me through the rest of that week.
The funeral was Friday 10th July 2009, and that was when I weeped. And I mean weeped, I sobbed for hours. Poor Grandad had never had his hand gripped so hard.
But shes not gone. She never will go. She has her little bit in the garden, we have all the pictures, and most of all, we have her feathers. Now Nana had this thing where if she saw a white feather, she'd pick it up, as it was 'from her guardian angel, just letting her know she was still there'. Ever since she died, the whole family have had feathers. We have our little box downstairs, Grandad has his, and so does little Will. She's still here.
I feel a sense of relief from writing all this. I've never properly said anything about it. I remember the good times with Nana, and any tears are happy tears, of how much she influenced my life. Last Saturday would have been Nana and Grandad's golden wedding anniversary. So this week was quite sombre.
I miss her every day. And that is every single day. But she may be gone in person, but she's still around. In fact, she's probably reading this now.
Nana, I love you, and today, you are my Day Dedicatee for Tuesday 27th October 2009.
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