I do apologise if anything listed below is wrong, its just this is written in advance of when it is posted, just to make life a bit easier and let me catch up on some sleep!
I figured that after a few days of piss poor posting (sorry everyone), I should get this thing back to normal. So today, the day goes to FATE.
Now fate, to me, in inavoidable. You can't actually miss it, because there is no consequence. Everything that happens has happened for a reason. Depending on your opinion, it could be the Big Man Upstairs, or another spirit of some sort. For me, it is a cross between BMU and Nana.
Everything in my life turned around just after Nana died. After holding in all that emotion the week she died, it began to seep out very slowly over the next few weeks, making me very depressed. Nothing was going my way, everything was against me - it was a bad few months.
That went on till just after Christmas, when Girl #1 came along. She got me out the depression, and then just dropped me like a hat. No contact since, and it turns out that she is actually a lesbian. Great. Depression starts again.
Girl #2 next. She actually did seem like a realistic opportunity. Looking back, it was me just pressing our friendship. And yes, I said some things I shouldn't have done, but when you're down and depressed, you're blinkered to the rest of the world. That failed miserably, and on the 6th of June, everything came to a head, and I'm quite happy to admit it, it was the first time I had genuinally considered suicide.
It just seemed the only option - finish me off and all the problems end there. It was something I toyed with. A quick word to Nana though, and everything changed. People began to care that night, people actually showed me that they wanted me around. And three days later, the best thing so far happened.
Isobel arrived, and what do I find on the way to meet her for the first time since I asked her out? One white feather. Just one. And thats Nana's sign, Nana's way of telling us she's still around. And ever since, anything good has had some sort of link to her - in a feather, a saying, just something to let us know she's around.
So, why today? Because today is the 22nd of November. Today is an insignificant day, nothing happens today of any massive importance. Yes, Lloyd may have left the X Factor, and yes, the floods in Cumbria are getting worse, but today, nothing happens. An empty day, as such.
Today is an empty day. And what do you do when its an empty day? You think. You think about everything. And I went back into a filing cabinet (in my head) to something I didn't ever want to go abck to. Isobel said to me today - 'you're in a good mood.' The reason was that I faced my demons. The alst thing I actually needed to sort out, and finally the black cloud lifts from over my head. Its over 6 months since I met Isobel, and finally, the depression itself has disappeared. I haven't shown it, I haven't even thought about it myself! But I knew it was still there.
Not any more. My life is brilliant. I have a bloody amazing group of friends, a good laugh at school, and a wonderful girlfriend. I have a smile on my face, I have a happy disposition. And its great.
And whats it all down to? BMU and Nana. Fate.
FATE, thankyou. Sunday 22nd November 2009 is yours.
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